The Case for Balance
In 2019—and after 25 years— I left the corporate world. I decided that I would spend the first several months “not doing” much. That didn’t last more than about 2 weeks. The pace at which my life was used to running had conditioned me to be constantly on the move, to constantly check my email, to constantly be doing “something”. So I immediately jumped into multiple business and social ventures.
I moved across the country ostensibly to support my older daughter as she went back to college, but you wouldn’t have known that if you saw my “To Do” list and my schedule—something she reminded me of as I sat on my computer while she was trying to talk to me. I filled my days with activity and commitments. In essence, the only thing that had changed since I had left my corporate life was my physical work environment. “I” was not changing at all. The societal programming code was well written and effective.
My flurry of activity had produced some good results, but I was not “Good”. I was as stressed out as ever—over everything. Although I was actively coaching and people were reading my blogs, listening to my podcasts and thanking me for my efforts, I didn’t think it was enough. I had set some very high goals and had not quite met them. My brain messaging was telling me that I needed to do more, that I wasn’t effective and that I was letting myself down.
I had been reading books that stressed the importance of purpose, presence, and attention. The consensus of these books was to “slow down” and “focus”. I thought this was impossible for me to do because I thought that the need to be constantly in motion was in my DNA. I thought that was who I was. I didn’t realize that this was who I had made a choice (unconsciously) to become and that I put myself in environments that reinforced those messages.
Overlaying this unhelpful sense of myself, was fear. I thought that if I slowed down, I might “miss out”. The truth was that my action and speed had caused me to miss out on many of the most important moments of my life. I was seldom mentally present, even if I was physically available for the things and people that mattered most. My mind was always focused on the next thing— out of habit and brain wiring —that had me automatically vs. intentionally living my life. It took spending intensive time with my adult daughters to remind me that my time with them was fleeting and precious. I needed to figure out a way to truly ‘be’ in my life.
Determining that I was no longer going to live my life on automatic pilot, I decided to slow down. Way down. It has been really uncomfortable to go against my programming. However, It was only as I’ve slowed down that I realized that my life was so out of balance.
What is in or out of balance is going to be defined by each of us. For me, being in balance means that I’m not anxious, worried, ruminating, exhausted or feeling a pain in my abdomen. It means that I have the presence to catch my destructive thoughts. Learning from Don Miguel Ruiz, it means that I am impeccable with my word, I don’t make assumptions, I don’t take things personally and I always do the best that I can under the circumstances that I am handed. It means that I am aware, conscious and responsible for my choices and actions. Finally, it means that I am taking care of my physical, spiritual and emotional needs, in addition to my professional needs.
Every moment we can change who we are. Find your definition of balance and don’t compromise on it in the quest to live your authentic life.
